I must warn you...this will be a long post and may not be very pleasant....
It was late July and I had put one of my prized turkeys in the fridge to defrost to feast on later. Well...I kept putting it off for about 3 weeks. Not good. Well we ended up not eating it. I double bagged the stinky beast and put it in the big black trashcan our city provides. The bad news about this is...they had already picked up the trash that morning and we'd have to wait a full week until they came again.
So not good...
The trashcan smelled worse as the days progressed. We could no longer lift the lid to put our trash in, due to the stench of death and ginormous swarm of flies protecting it. We ended up leaving the trash bags next to the deathly black beast. The story gets worse...
Our next door neighbors invited us to swim in their pool and bbq. As he was grilling, he turned to his wife and said..."oh man...Monica... it's those dogs again. They stink!"He later turned to us and said..."I hate those dang (edited) dogs next door!" What we noticed was that his grill shared the same wall as our black beast. We could see the small cloud of flies where the beast stood. The grill and beast were just 6 yards away from one another. All we could do was nod and say..."yeah...those dogs really stink, you have bad neighbors." (were we bad or what?)
Trash day finally came. Yippee! I thought for sure my brave husband would do the manly duty and put the remaining trashbags into the beast. Nope. He actually left early and had to be at the office earlier than usual. Who had to do the horrible deed? Yours truly...yeah..'lil ole me... I had tears in my eyes...I was scared I'd be attacked by the flies for disturbing their carcass...Oh the stench was terrible. I was on the verge of throwing up, it was soo bad. I did the deed, then rolled the beast to the curb. There were several high school students walking to the (school) bus stop. They got to about 10 yards of the beast, crossed the street, while holding their noses.
So embarassing....
I never felt so happy to see the green trash truck. Lucky for the trash man, the garbage truck has the one arm bandit...so he never had to get out and get near the black beast. The beast was now empty and would be back to normal...or so I thought....I opened the lid and to my horror...it still had the stench of death and about several inches of white maggots occupying the bottom of the beast. I screamed! (so glad no one was around)...I called Brent on the phone immediately. His suggestion was to call the city and to get that bad boy replaced. I called them and they said I could put the beast in my van and exchange it at their facility.
"Are you INSANE! I will NOT have that thing funktify my vehicle!" was my response.
Her advice "Pine-sol usually works with the stench." she said.
The first thing I did was pour a gallon of Clorox into the beast to kill its friends living inside it. Next I poured 2 gallons of Pinesol I had bought at my last Costco trip. Yeah! Take THAT beast!
Later that evening while the kids were in bed (approx. 11pm), Brent rolled the beast to the curb, put the hose in it, and started filling it with water. It was quite the site, I mean Brent's choice in wardrobe was interesting. He had a bandanna on his face to filter the stench from the beast, work boots and shorts. Once the beast was filled, he kicked it over, filling the street with dead maggots. He hosed the street until the body of maggots reached two houses down. He then proceeded to clean the beast with the additional Pinesol I had purchased. When the stench got to be too much he'd say "hit me", I would then spray Lysol in his direction then run quickly back to my safe spot. We realized one of our neighbors was outside observing us (he was on a smoke break I guess). All I could say to him was "hi" then I avoided all eye contact with him.
Well this experience taught us a lot about Arizona summers and how important trash day is to us. I can't say the beast's smell returned back to normal, every so often it would have a funk that made you want to gag. I was so happy when we sold our old house and moved and didn't have to deal with the beast another summer.
So sorry new owners....
So there you have it...this is our "revenge of the turkey" story I had referenced in a past posting. Brent tells this story so much better than I could write it. I hope you enjoyed it!
2 comments:
I love that story.
Oh, Anna, I always get a good laugh when I read your blog! Thanks for another one! :)
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